Three Things I Miss (And Three I Don’t)

It’s been almost a year since I moved abroad. Can you believe it?

Ten thousand miles and twelve months and I’m still here. Mr. Malaysia.

I’ve had ups and downs and highs and lows and somewhere along the way I picked up a son.

It’s been a year of adjustments. The food, the culture, the language, the lifestyle… I live in Southeast Asia on the equator now. It’s different.

With some time to process I’ve started to identify the things I really miss (or don’t) from my previous life in the States.

Of course, there’s the obvious: my friends and family. That remains the hardest part and probably always will. We do our best to keep in touch, but no matter how many emails you get from your mom it’s never the same as getting a hug.

That said, I’ve adapted here better than I thought I would. I can drive now: on the left side of the road in freewheeling Malaysian traffic. I’ve been to clinics. I shop for groceries. I’m more or less used to the heat.

But there are still a few things that I pine for, that always make me long for home.

Things I Miss

1. English

This one is obvious, and probably has the biggest impact on my daily life. Simply put, I don’t speak the main language here. It’s weird. I’ve picked up words and phrases, most relating to food, but the rest is Greek to me.

Of course English is a dominant language, so it pops up more often than you’d think. I see it on menus, billboards, road signs, and postings. Most of the time when I attempt some paltry Malay, people do their best to respond in English. I guess it’s obvious.

Even so, my ignorance adds a layer of reticence to every interaction, and I miss the confidence I once had communicating with strangers. Expressing myself in English is literally one of my greatest strengths, yet it’s somewhat neutered here. That’s tough.

2. Sports

Sports have always been my biggest American cultural fetish. More than movies, music, or TV, I’ve followed the ins and outs of the national sports scene since I was a little boy.

Malaysians enjoy sports, just not the stuff I’m into. They’re passionate about things like badminton and Moto GP. The official national sport is Sepak Takraw, which is basically three-man volleyball with your feet. It’s interesting, but it’s no March Madness.

I miss the way sports helped me connect with people. No one here cares about my favorite teams, and the time difference makes everything hard to watch. NFL games start at two in the morning. Everything is over by noon.

I’ve done some dramatic things to try and keep up. I troll the web for bootleg streams, or lean on Twitter for updates. I stayed up until 4 a.m. watching Tiger Woods win The Masters. I’ll wake up early to stream a Blue Jackets game and think, “I have to be the only person in Malaysia watching this right now.”

I miss just kicking back on my couch, flipping through channels, and browsing college football games on a Saturday night. Sports are an endless source of FOMO, as I miss so many dramatic happenings and most of it goes down while I’m asleep.

I guess it’s just one of the sacrifices of growing up. I have a son now, and one day I hope to share with him the excitement of a touchdown or a walk-off home run. Will we ever bond over field hockey? Maybe. But my love of American sports is a habit I’ll never break.

3. Seasons

Ohio gets some crazy weather. Hot summers, cold winters, sleet, snow, and hail. Sometimes it rains for three days straight. Sometimes the snow piles up to your waist. The temperature can swing 50 degrees in a day, and there’s a chance of severe weather all year round.

By comparison, Malaysian weather is positively bland. I can sum it up in nine words:

It’s always hot. It’s usually sunny. Sometimes it rains.

Now I’m not saying I dislike tropical weather. It’s generally quite pleasant here. It just gets so… boring. Every day I check the weather on my phone and it’s the same thing. Here’s a sample:

Will it be “Mostly Sunny” or “Partly Cloudy”? Hold on to your butts!

I’m sure I won’t get much sympathy, especially from those of you balls-deep in winter, but as a lifelong weather enthusiast I’d kill for a little variety.

I’ve lived all my life in a land of four seasons, and it’s strange to live someplace where January is indistinguishable from July. I miss those colorful autumn days, the magic of winter snow… When will I even see snow again? Just thinking about it makes me sad.

Seasons add a depth and cadence to each year that’s missing in the tropics. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.

Honorable mention: U.S. Parks

Things I Don’t Miss

1. Politics

America’s political climate is depressing. I don’t know when the entire government became a zero-sum game, but the divisiveness is taking a toll.

I love America, and I miss her dearly, but I do not miss the politicians and talking heads driving everyone apart. It’s been nice to get away from all that noise.

Of course, I keep an eye on the news and I get updates from friends and family, but I no longer suffer the daily uproars with quite so much immediacy. I can digest the latest controversy without having to scream at someone about it. (Most of the time.) Really, I just want America to get its shit together and start trying again.

The U.S. is a beautiful country with incredible people and promise. I want to bring my son back one day to experience life in the States. But the current situation is an absolute joke, and I’m glad we’re not there for it.

I pray that in time America will find some leadership worthy of the name.

2. Stuff

Moving overseas move forced me to get rid of a lot of stuff. It was liberating.

My old Ohio apartment had grown crowded over the years as I filled every closet, corner, and drawer with books, clothes, and assorted items.

It took months to work through everything, and countless trips to Goodwill. I sold, recycled, shredded, donated, junked, and gave away probably three quarters of my possessions. In the end I had my life whittled down to whatever I could fit into a few suitcases (and a handful of boxes we shipped via freight.) Even that now feels like more than I needed, and I laugh thinking back on some of the stuff I struggled to let go.

Of course, now I’m accumulating a whole new set of possessions: cribs, car seats, playpens, and toys. My wife and I love our current apartment, but we’re already looking for a bigger place to accommodate our expanding lives.

When it comes to possessions, I’ve learned to just roll with the flow. Cherish the things I value and let the rest come and go as needed. Buying kids clothes is fun, but my son will outgrow everything in a few months and that means so will I.

3. Expenses

One of the best things about being an expat in Malaysia is the cost of living. Most things are just cheaper here, and a little American savings goes a long way. It’s particularly noticeable with things like housing, healthcare, and food.

Going through the pregnancy process I really came to appreciate Malaysia’s subsidized healthcare. There are lots of free clinics, and even a private doctor can get you in and out for a reasonable price. My wife got addicted to ultrasounds, and we would frequently head to the nearby clinic, walk in with no appointment, and get a scan for about ten dollars.

Comparing that with some of my healthcare experiences in the U.S. is staggering. American hospitals are more high-tech than what you find in Malaysia, but are they fifty times better for the price? No way.

You can certainly spend your money here if you want to. Cars are expensive, and there are lots of upscale shopping malls filled with luxury brands.

In the end it just feels easier to get by. I never see homeless people or panhandlers. I’m sure they are around I just rarely run into them. Standards of living may be lower, but the economic culture is less cutthroat and predatory than in the U.S. I find that refreshing.

That’s my take at least. I’ve only been here a year.

I still think of home often. Sometimes it makes me homesick and sad. Other times I feel grateful to experience this different life. I don’t know how long we’ll live here, and I don’t know where we’ll move next, but I’m proud of the progress I’ve made in a year on the opposite side of the world.

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